Take a last look

Welcome to Monday Musings, taking a look at drinking at weddings and off-road parking…In Sickness and in Health

We had our wedding breakfast tasting with our caterers last week and this has shown up a couple of problems. Firstly, the fact that the woman who runs the company doesn’t actually listen to a word that we say. We told her that we didn’t like one of the canapes and she replied with, “oh, that one’s my favourite”

Then she was bigging up the chips – “our farmer also supplies potatoes to McDonalds” Hmm, not exactly the barometer of a fine dining experience. They were okay but to hear this woman speak, they were the finest chips ever made. She was seriously unimpressed when we asked her if they could make them thinner as the inside was a bit bland.

Secondly, and far worse than any of this was the fact that Elmo’s dad wants no beer at our wedding breakfast! Everyone that I’ve spoken to about this assumes that I’m joking but no, he wants to ban beer until the evening do starts.

To be honest, even I thought he was winding me up and I suggested that we could have a wheat beer in a champagne flute and no-one would be able to tell from a distance. Unfortunately, I don’t think that he realised that I was joking.

Now, apart from the fact that some of my friends only drink beer, why would you want to ban it? I can kind of understand if he’s worried about there being loads of empty lager cans lying around but I’m pretty sure that it would just be served in glasses anyway.

Elmo and I are going out with him tonight so that he can “get some material for his speech” (here’s a guide – thank you for coming, Gav, welcome to the family, doesn’t my daughter look beautiful, enjoy the beer, end) Hence, we’re going to have to grasp the nettle and change his mind about the beer.

If for any reason we can’t, we’ve started to make alternate plans including hiding beer in the venue and wearing camelpaks full of lager…

Parking Still Fine

Sign of the times

After giving out these notes, our neighbours have decided to make things more “official” by putting up a sign. Fortunately, they haven’t asked for a contribution towards the cost as we would have just laughed in their faces.

However, Elmo’s downstairs neighbour has still managed to annoy her this weekend. He claimed that he was getting pissed off because we still haven’t got rid of our old boiler yet and it’s just sat in the yard outside. What he doesn’t realise is that his attitude doesn’t make Elmo any more likely to actually get rid of it, in fact just the opposite…

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Gav gets measured up

Who knew that getting suited and booted could be such a kerfuffle?Anthony, Ben, my dad and I headed off to Moss Bros today to get measured up for our wedding suits. Unfortunately, what should have been a relatively straightforward exercise wasn’t helped by being served by a woman who didn’t seem to know what the phrase “customer service” meant.

Firstly, she was moaning that we hadn’t booked, despite the fact that I’d gone in the week before and been told explicitly that we didn’t have to book. Then she was complaining that there were too many of us, claiming that they normally only dress the groom and the best man and wittering that they wouldn’t have all of the clothes in the right size.

Eventually, she did start measuring us up but she seemed to take great delight in pointing out our physical uniqueness. Ant and I were too skinny. In fact the advice for Ant was that he should wear a pillow down the front of his suit. Then she said that Ben wasn’t wearing his trousers properly and he had a long body and short legs.

When we all finally had our sizes, she then had a problem with her “smart” pen running out of ink. Why on earth you’d have a system where you don’t just put the data straight into a computer (or a tablet) is beyond me.

At least it’s all sorted now:

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Right time, wrong speed

I had the following e-mail arrive in my inbox this morning:

To be honest, I’m always nervous when anybody actually listens to our music but that’s just part of the human need to be loved (just like anybody else does) Now that someone has heard us, I guess all we can do is play the waiting game. Aww, I’m bored of the waiting game, let’s play Hungry Hippos…

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So that’s where Fellaini got the idea for his haircut from

On the 47th anniversary of the release of Blonde on Blonde and Pet Sounds, we returned to the “studio”
As always, Ant has done the hard work of recording the drums, bass, guitar, keyboards and backing vocals so all that’s left is for me to do the lead vocals. This is the point where I remember that it’s one thing singing along to Ant’s demo but another thing entirely singing to a track that has no vocals on it. Especially when it’s a song I’ve not actually sang before.

Hence the number of takes required to get a good vocal performance…

First take; we weren’t happy with the start of the song and I messed up the lyrics in the third verse. Second take; I stumbled over the words in the second verse. Third take; I missed the cue for the chorus after the first verse.

Fortunately, on the fourth take I actually managed to get all the way through the song. To be honest I was just relieved that I’d actually reached the instrumental because I knew that if I went wrong after that we could just punch in and re-record the end of the song.

In fact, not only had I managed to hit all of my cues and actually get the lyrics right but the vocals were actually pretty alright. It just needs mixing down now and as soon as that’s done, we’ll share it with you all.

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The final additions to the Latitude Line-up have been announced and they’re bound to make Elmo happyYes, her favourite comedian, Eddie Izzard has been added to the bill and even though she’s going to see his tour in Nottingham, I’m sure that she’ll want to see him again at Latitude. Mathematician Marcus Du Satoy has also been added so that should keep everyone happy.

As for the music, Bobby Womack, best known in my house for writing It’s All Over Now as covered by The Stones, has the Sunday lunchtime slot on the main stage. Then there are a series of acts that I’ve not heard of. Although, Elmo will probably want to see M0 as she’ll think that they sing songs about her and Wolf Alice were BotD on The Guardian’s website so I have at least heard the name.

Can’t believe it’s only 65 days! Tent, beer and music; can’t wait!

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I’m your biggest fan

It was a very long wave

As I was driving to work on Friday, I heard the song Runaway Train by the group Soul Asylum on the radio. It’s one of those songs that takes me back to a misspent youth listening to the radio station Atlantic 252. While there were definitely other songs that they played, you could almost guarantee hearing Runaway Train, Two Princes by Spin Doctors or 74-75 by The Connells regardless of what time you listened and regardless of whether they’d already played it in the previous hour. There was no such thing as a “no repeat workday” back then.

Pop quiz hotshot

At a recent Vaccines’ gig, door staff asked people if they could name the band’s lead singer and the titles of their two albums before they were let in. Apparently, this was to differentiate fans from potential pickpockets. Now, I really like The Vaccines but I haven’t got a clue what the lead singer is called and I really had to rack my brains to remember the names of their albums. I’ve got this image in my head of the band playing just to the lead singer’s mum!

It’s worse than that he’s dead, gym

After moping around for the last few months because of my ankle injury, I’m going back to the gym tonight. I’m not actually going to able to do any running or any useful cardio but I can get back into doing some weights and working on my core so that I can actually fit into a suit when I go to Moss Bros next weekend.

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I was at a two-day workshop in Grantham this week and, due to my car insurance cover not allowing me to drive my own car, I had to get a hire car. Let’s ignore the ridiculousness of not being allowed to drive to Grantham, even though it’s only about an extra 10 minutes further than driving to work for a moment.

You see, when I went to get into the car for the first time on Tuesday, the above note was under one of the windscreen wipers. Due to the bank holiday, the car had been parked there since Saturday so I don’t know how long the note had been there. Evidently, one of Elmo’s neighbours didn’t like my Ford Focus.

Why on earth would you ever write a note like that though? Not only are there always enough spaces for everyone, surely you’d check with people living there to see if the car belonged to one of the visitors that you mention in the note before you wrote it? I had visions of someone running out of the house and attacking the poor guy from Hertz on Thursday when he came to pick the car up.

Plus, even if you did ever feel the need to write such a passive-aggressive note to a complete stranger, I sure that you wouldn’t do it in orange…

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Elmo and I went to see the new Star Trek film last night and I’m not sure how much I actually enjoyed it. On one hand, the youngster who grew up watching Star Trek really enjoyed all the call-backs to the old series and films. On the other hand, this does make it derivative and it kind of feels like yet another hollywood remake. With the “alternate timeline” established in the re-boot, it feels like a bit of a lost opportunity not to have a completely original story.

Having said that, on the whole it is an entertaining film. Benedict Cumberbatch is as good as ever and there are some really interesting points made about America’s (oops, sorry Starfleet’s) role in the wider scheme of things. Are they explorers or soldiers?

Unfortunately, this isn’t really explored with any great depth as we’re soon off to another lens flare filled special effects shot. It also felt like there were some interesting things to be said about terrorism but these weren’t really explored. This feels a bit of a shame when you consider how well the Battlestar Galactica handled the same subject.

Finally, it’s really hard to watch Spock in 2013 without your mind being cast back to Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. Especially in the early parts of the film when Spock is showing himself as a stickler for the rules. I also can’t really see what Chekov brings to the party and why Alice Eve had to get her kit off will baffle me for a long time.

Despite the fact that I’ve sounded a bit negative, I did enjoy this film. If you’re a Star Trek fan, you’ll love it. If you’re a fan of big budget summer blockbuster space operas, you’ll definitely enjoy it. For me, it’s good but a tad hollow. Oh, and I’m sorry but I had to mention lens flare since every other review has done.

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Too scuzzy for indietown, too jangly for garageland, Deerhunter are back with their new album Monomania. More lo-fi than their last LP, it’s a work of dirty genius.

It’s definitely a more eclectic work than Halcyon Digest, taking in everything from psych to blues to glam to punk. However, unlike the recent Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, it never sounds forced or disjointed. That’s mainly because it all feels so effortless; there’s nothing at all forced here.

Personally, I love this album but it’s lo-fi charms wil definitely make it a bit harder for some people to get into, compared with its predecesor. There’s also a slight concern that the whistlestop tour round rock ‘n’ roll’s past isn’t quite as new and creative as what we’ve heard before.

While there’s an argument that this might be the case, it feels like nitpicking when the album is as well crafted as this one.

Download: Leather Jacket II

If you like this try: Stereo by Pavement

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It’s finally happened then; David Moyes is off to become Manchester United manager. I’m a bit surprised as I thought they would have wanted someone with a bit more experience in terms of european football, winning trophies and controlling those kinds of budgets. He’s done a really good job at Everton over the last 11 years though and he deserves his chance.

In fact I think there have only really been a couple of disappointments in all those years. The lack of a trophy to really crown his achievements and a mediocre record in derby matches. On the whole though, it’s been a real privilege to have him manage our football club.

I guess the big question is what next?

For Moyes, the question is can he handle all the expectations and egos of a big club? For example, we won 0 games away at Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool during his tenure. That won’t be acceptable any more. How much time will he be given to win things and what are the club’s ambitions? I still maintain that if you want someone to win you the Champions’ League then you’d get Mourinho in.

And what for Everton? How many players will Moyes buy off us? Baines would seem to be a no-brainer, maybe Fellaini as well. Hopefully, he’ll have another Per Koldrup moment and offer us far too much money for the wrong players (I now have an image of Tony Hibbert in an afro wig in my mind)

And who will replace Moyes? The bookies’ favourites are Roberto Martinez and Neil Lennon. I quite like the way Martinez sets his teams up to play. However, they do have a nasty habit of being at the wrong end of the table. Looking at Lennon, I’m not sure why you’d trade guaranteed Champions’ League qualification for eighth place in the Premier League.

Personally, I’d like to see someone a bit more left field given a chance, much like we did with Moyes himself. Alan Stubbs has had a brilliant season in charge of the U21s this year and is a blue through and through. Phil Neville could be our first player manager since Kendall.

Or how about someone who’s managed at the very top, winning league titles and the Champions’ League? Someone who has experience of managing in England? Someone who, like Moyes, has a deep appreciation for the tactical side of the game? Someone who has a score to settle with Liverpool? Rafa Benitez anyone?

Seriously though, as long as it’s not someone like Mark Hughes, I think most Everton fans will be happy. So, thanks for everything you’ve done Davie and we wish you nothing but good luck at United. Well, until we play you next year…

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