Pope Tom

When the old pope passed away
The Cardinals convened
“We’ve got to pick a new pope
Don’t let no-one intervene”

“We’ve got to make a decision
We’ve got to pick someone
We’ve got to do it quickly”
And so they called on Tom

“Why should it be him?”
Asked some of the old guard
“He ain’t pope material
We hold him in low regard”

Fortunately for Tom
We decided to rig the vote
And then watched as he got measured
For his pope hat and his coat

Well it didn’t take too long
Till he started to modernise
Now the pope drives a Ferrari
And wears shades over his eyes

Made peace with the Buddhists
Started talking to Islam
Opened dialogue with the Jewish
After he stopped eating ham

Well not everyone was happy
With all religions being friends
They hired an assassin
To bring his life to an early end

So now he’s in the cold cold ground
And everyone’s at war
But we remember what he did
Of that He can be sure

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